Monday, August 25, 2008

McCain's Cribs

Hey - I've just been handed the shot-list for MTV's brand-new series, "McCain's Cribs." They've already got ten episodes in the can. Here's episode number one.

Shot 1: House, Exterior:

Announcer: Welcome to "McCain's Cribs." Our first Crib is the luxurious McCain ranch in the resort town of Sedona. 16 bodacious acres of pure cowboy fantasy.

Shot 2: McCain at Door, welcoming:

McCain: "Come in, homeys. You caught me at a great moment. Just having the RNC over for buds and babes. Come in and check it out."

McCain leads crew inside.

Shot 3: McCain in Kitchen.

McCain: "Let's take a look at the kitchen. Let's see, what do we have here, in the fridge."

Shot: Open fridge, show stacks of American Cheese and Ensure.

McCain: "And this is one of the kitchen tables where you know, we have those kitchen table conversations. Okay, I think that's the kitchen, next room."

Shot 3: Hunting Room.

McCain: "Ok, in this room we have our Professional League pool table and poker desk..."

Interruption by production assistant, whispering in McCain's ear.

McCain: "Oh, ok, sorry, wrong house. This is the room that has to be labeled with what everything is because I can't remember. What is this room?"

Shot 4: Bedroom.

McCain: "This is where the magic happens...."

Producer: "What's this picture with you and Senator Graham?"

McCain: "He's my major homeboy, Holms."

Producer: "Really?"

McCain: "Fo shizzle my dizzle...."

Shot 5: Backyard barbeque.

McCain: "Ok, someone give me a spatula, these hamburgers need flipping. Hey, let's serve 'em just the way I like 'em - with plenty of raw meet. It's Karl Rove's special recipee."

Shot 6: McCain's Hot Tub.

McCain: "Ok my homeys. You've seen my crib. Now I'm going to chill in the tub with some of my favorite right-wing babes. So... get out....."

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