Wednesday, June 04, 2008

What Clinton Wants

I just intercepted a note from the Clinton campaign to the Obama campaign:

Dear Barack:

You have 48 hours to deliver to Mrs. Clinton the following demands:

1. Renounce your nomination and declare that Mrs. Clinton has rightfully won the Democratic nomination for President.

2. You shall pay all of Mrs. Clinton's campaign debts and in fact, continue to completely fund the remainder of her campaign.

3. Mrs. Clinton's title, when elected, will be "Her Highness of The Known World and Beyond."

4. You are to place exactly 15,000 M & M's into a bell-shaped jar (the jar must be bell-shaped), provided there are no green M & M's, and deliver it to the Plaza Hotel at precisely 5PM on Thursday, June 5th. We repeat: THERE MUST BE NO GREEN M&M's.

5. You are also to bring Mrs. Clinton the head of Monica Lewinsky on a silver platter.

6. The platter must be enscribed: "To Mrs. Clinton, my clear superior and the only candidate in this election qualified to be President, love, Barack."

7. You are to make a suit out of the skins of Karl Rove and Rush Limbaugh, then stuff Dick Cheney into the suit, then place Dick Cheney onto the flagpole outside the White House. If you are stopped in the process by any security personnel, you shall scream: "I am Barack Obama and I Hate America."

8. You shall retrieve from the Bush White House the broom of Mr. Bush. You shall bring Mrs. Clinton the broom plus the sawdust that remains after Bush disintegrates.

9. If you are not arrested performing tasks seven and/or eight, you must then renounce all future political life and move to Stumptown, West Virginia, where you shall open a 7-11.

10. If you leak this letter to the press or to the police, Mrs. Clinton will hunt you down and personally emasculate you, then kill you, your family, and your grandmother in Hawaii.

If these demands are not met within 48 hours of your receipt of this letter, Mrs. Clinton will instruct her 18 million supporters to kill your 18 million supporters, and then perform ritual Hari Kari. Then let's see who wins the Presidency.....



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